Life

An Update

Good Bones | An Update

Good Bones | An UpdateGood Bones | An UpdateGood Bones | An Update

It’s hard to believe January has come and gone and February is more than halfway over. I don’t know where the time goes. David got sick again and I haven’t been feeling well myself, so we’ve inevitably spent a lot of time watching television even though it leaves me feeling unproductive and drained. We added Netflix to our arsenal so my list of reasons to leave the house has been short. We just started Peaky Blinders because Cillian Murphy, you know?

I was finally able to get our “Read Instead” print from Book/Shop framed and I love it–the white on white has been a favorite lately. Sometimes even bookstore owners like us need a reminder to read more (see above) and I’m happy to have it in a frame now instead of pinned to the wall. In January I just barely stuck with my plan to read at least two books a month. I finished up What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami on the 31st, and prior to that I read Before I Go by Colleen Oakley, a writer from Atlanta who recently had an event at the library where we sold copies. They were both nice, easy reads, which is great, but I’m eager to get lost in something weightier. We’ve started waking up earlier to read and encourage thoughtfulness and purpose in our mornings. I haven’t been perfect at it but continue to remind myself (though it goes against my natural all-or-nothing mindset) that change doesn’t happen all at once.

We have a lot to be excited about coming up. Soon we’re taking a day-trip to visit family friends and before long it’ll be my 28th birthday, a friend’s wedding in North Carolina (I tear up just thinking about it), and David’s and my 8th wedding anniversary. It’s been a while since we were able to travel anywhere, and now that I’ve had what I hope is my last medical procedure for a long while (just yesterday), I’m feeling better and it shouldn’t be so stressful to go somewhere fun. I’m pretty sick of talking about my health and desperate to put it behind me. I only hope my body cooperates with our plans.

A friend asked in a letter recently (thank God for friends and hand-written letters) if I’ll be attending our 10 year high school reunion in May, which I didn’t even know about (that’s life without Facebook, I guess). It’s strange to know that much time has already passed yet feel like hardly any has gone by at all. I’m not sure what I thought back then my life would be like now, but, despite our sorrows, it’s pretty great.

I’m looking forward to errands, being active, and seeing friends free of pain for the first time in a month. Here’s to a relaxed, satisfying week.

Life

Right Now

Good Bones | Right Now

Good Bones | Right Now

There’s a lot of beauty in the strangeness and ruin of downtown. A hope shines through. It is ripe for progress.

Today feels alive with activity–the kind of day where you can’t believe how much you’ve already done by noon. I’m steadily checking things off my massive to-do list, hurrying here and there, pitching in at the store, planning projects and doing chores at home (taking a break to post this, of course). Honestly, it’s one of my favorite ways to spend a Saturday. That feeling of accomplishment at the end of everything is beyond rewarding. It’s a relief to have behind you things you may have been avoiding, small as they might be.

I feel as though our lives are slowly starting to normalize, that we are becoming ourselves again. Things have felt so uneasy during my recovery, put on hold almost, and I’m glad to begin to see the other side of it. There’s still a lot on our plates, but it seems simpler to manage. I’m determined to fit in a run today, my first in six weeks. I know that’s the moment when everything will feel right.

Style

Wish I Were Wearing

Black Crane overall

Good Bones // Wish I Were Wearingjumpsuit | house shoes | sweater

I know recovering from surgery isn’t glamorous, but I confess I’ve grown tired of feeling like a wreck in my husband’s rolled up sweatpants and my Kentucky emblazoned sweatshirt. My swelling and pain has started to diminish so for the first time I put on a pair of comfortable leggings and my favorite chambray shirt. Changing into something you love makes all the difference (that and a very hot shower). I wouldn’t mind wearing the outfit above around the house either.

Tonight I’m putting on my best face to sit up for our church’s Christmas Eve service, which I’m excited about even though it won’t be too comfy. And I’ve been looking forward to worshiping at home and exchanging gifts with David so much that I feel I may explode. He’s worked what seems like non-stop between the store and coming home to take care of me and I mostly see him at meals and bedtime. An entire day to rest and celebrate with him sounds incredible. Hymns, prayer, cinnamon rolls, hot tea, and Home Alone 2, yes please.

Uncategorized

Rest for the Weary

Good Bones | Rest for the Weary

Good Bones // Rest for the Weary

I’m so glad to be home, free to navigate inevitable suffering in a place of comfort.

For a few days I was consumed by my anxieties and pain, unable to think of anything else because of my surroundings. From my hospital room there was no sun, no Christmas tree or sweet dogs. When David wasn’t there I felt a deep loneliness and sadness greater than my physical pain. Maybe I’m seeming melodramatic, but I don’t do well in the hospital. Though I’m no stranger, this being my ninth or tenth major surgery (okay, three or four were when I was a baby), I’m still not used to the isolation that comes with hospitalization, no matter how many visitors and well wishes there are. I’m the type that can’t separate myself from these moments. I don’t mean to let them define me, but they are very much part of who I am.

This is my normal, still no matter how many times it happens, it’s difficult– hurtling me into confronting my fears, into not being self-reliant, into not having control over my body. With this surgery comes a new set of challenges and changes that I have yet to fully process, but it isn’t all bad.

David has been so loving and gracious and I feel blessed to be walking through this, my first major abdominal/pelvic surgery since we’ve been married, with him at my side. He sees to my physical needs. He is my emotional support when I’m overwhelmed. He shows me grace when I turn towards sin in my anger over the circumstances. He endures frustrated and unloving remarks from me with such gentleness, reminding me of who we are in Christ. I’m thankful for his leadership, selflessness, and love.

There has been an outpouring of support for us this past week: people offering to cook meals, family and pastor visits, prayers. It’s all been very meaningful. This is a community that cares.

Now that I’ve been home several days, it’s getting a little easier to move about, though I’m still swollen beyond belief and hurting, which is to be expected after a gnarly six hour surgery, my doctors working through a maze of organs and scar tissue/adhesions. I’ve been trying to maintain my stoicism but accept that I can’t. I’m thankful to be in my own home for Christmas. The hospital brings out the worst in me but I’m beginning to perk up. Now, if I can keep my mind off how desperately I want to go for a run, I’ll consider it a tremendous victory.

Instagram

  • These lilac pillow slips were my last purchase of 2019 before starting 6 months (at least) of no spending (wardrobe + household decor). I hope to better understand my spending patterns/triggers and find healthier, less expensive ways to manage negative emotions. Committing to it wasn’t easy which makes me all the more glad I did. Thank you to @insearchofcozy_ for being my inspiration and giving me the push I needed to start!
  • Last weekend I popped into a couple of my favorite Cincinnati shops, including @fernshopcincinnati where some of my original collages are for sale amongst stunning plants and the best ceramics. If you’re in the area, stop by and see Megan’s gorgeous shop for yourself! She’s been a supporter of my work for years and I’m so grateful. Also grateful that my little sister moved to Cincinnati for college almost 14 years ago and never left so I get to keep visiting 🤗🤎✨
  • Had a slow, ordinary, wonderful, much needed vacation where I barely took any photos. Missing family but happy to be home ✨
  • A few days after Apollo died, I opened a package from @charlotteswans and inside was a portrait she had drawn of him. Immediately I began sobbing, missing my sweet boy, but also so grateful to see his face which she captured perfectly and beautifully. My husband and I got it framed as our Christmas present to ourselves. It’s a gift we will always cherish. Thank you, my dear Charlotte.
  • Yesterday I posted this photo in stories but deleted it shortly after because I was embarrassed. I look angry but in truth this is my face at rest, albeit tired. Most days I look at my post-menopausal face and body and don’t recognize them, but in this moment the anger, sadness, and loathing I normally experience (which is a complicated topic) was more subdued. I liked the picture so I’m not sure I know how to articulate why posting it felt so unacceptable. Here it is again, acting as a reminder to just post the damn thing. Lately the need to be more open about menopause, something I’ve shared with very, very few people, is one I’ve felt strongly. I don’t know exactly what that looks like in such a public space, but I think it’s worth exploring.

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