My inbox is full of emails about after Christmas sales and some great new arrivals are trickling in everywhere it seems. It’s tough to restrain myself mentally but quite easy in reality–my Christmas money is already spent on much needed items. Still, here are a few things that caught my eye.
photos: Mohawk General Store | Pour Porter
photo: Need Supply Co.
photo: Steven Alan
photos: Beklina | Urban Outfitters
01 recovery tulips from my best friend // 02 view from our backyard (I ventured outside!) // 03 there’s been so much rain this week // 04 not even David’s dresser is exempt from my stuff taking over // 05 David’s gifts wrapped with eucalyptus and our favorite black paper // 06 extra eucalyptus bouquet // 07 he loved his gifts! // 08 homemade cinnamon rolls have become a Christmas morning tradition and David kindly made them on Christmas Eve while I rested // 09 add pomegranate and I’m a very happy woman // 10 portrait of David’s grandfather we were given // 11 chai in my new collaborative Raoul Pacheco/Shishir Chokshi mug and leftover kolach made by my mother-in-law // 12 painting I love by Jacob Vaz that David got me for Christmas and I’m not sure where to put just yet // 13 my sweet, sweet Apollo
Christmas was lovely but the couple hours we spent at David’s mom’s house exhausted me more than expected. I’m glad to start getting out of the house, but I have to remind myself to take things slowly. Thankfully slowly doesn’t have to mean spending all day on the couch. I can at least pick up my camera and do what I enjoy.
Next week my little sister and brother-in-law will be in town so we’ll do a late Christmas/New Year celebration. I’m definitely in need of some sister time.
jumpsuit | house shoes | sweater
I know recovering from surgery isn’t glamorous, but I confess I’ve grown tired of feeling like a wreck in my husband’s rolled up sweatpants and my Kentucky emblazoned sweatshirt. My swelling and pain has started to diminish so for the first time I put on a pair of comfortable leggings and my favorite chambray shirt. Changing into something you love makes all the difference (that and a very hot shower). I wouldn’t mind wearing the outfit above around the house either.
Tonight I’m putting on my best face to sit up for our church’s Christmas Eve service, which I’m excited about even though it won’t be too comfy. And I’ve been looking forward to worshiping at home and exchanging gifts with David so much that I feel I may explode. He’s worked what seems like non-stop between the store and coming home to take care of me and I mostly see him at meals and bedtime. An entire day to rest and celebrate with him sounds incredible. Hymns, prayer, cinnamon rolls, hot tea, and Home Alone 2, yes please.
I’m so glad to be home, free to navigate inevitable suffering in a place of comfort.
For a few days I was consumed by my anxieties and pain, unable to think of anything else because of my surroundings. From my hospital room there was no sun, no Christmas tree or sweet dogs. When David wasn’t there I felt a deep loneliness and sadness greater than my physical pain. Maybe I’m seeming melodramatic, but I don’t do well in the hospital. Though I’m no stranger, this being my ninth or tenth major surgery (okay, three or four were when I was a baby), I’m still not used to the isolation that comes with hospitalization, no matter how many visitors and well wishes there are. I’m the type that can’t separate myself from these moments. I don’t mean to let them define me, but they are very much part of who I am.
This is my normal, still no matter how many times it happens, it’s difficult– hurtling me into confronting my fears, into not being self-reliant, into not having control over my body. With this surgery comes a new set of challenges and changes that I have yet to fully process, but it isn’t all bad.
David has been so loving and gracious and I feel blessed to be walking through this, my first major abdominal/pelvic surgery since we’ve been married, with him at my side. He sees to my physical needs. He is my emotional support when I’m overwhelmed. He shows me grace when I turn towards sin in my anger over the circumstances. He endures frustrated and unloving remarks from me with such gentleness, reminding me of who we are in Christ. I’m thankful for his leadership, selflessness, and love.
There has been an outpouring of support for us this past week: people offering to cook meals, family and pastor visits, prayers. It’s all been very meaningful. This is a community that cares.
Now that I’ve been home several days, it’s getting a little easier to move about, though I’m still swollen beyond belief and hurting, which is to be expected after a gnarly six hour surgery, my doctors working through a maze of organs and scar tissue/adhesions. I’ve been trying to maintain my stoicism but accept that I can’t. I’m thankful to be in my own home for Christmas. The hospital brings out the worst in me but I’m beginning to perk up. Now, if I can keep my mind off how desperately I want to go for a run, I’ll consider it a tremendous victory.
A typical scene: Saoirse looking beautiful, pretending to be innocent. Apollo barking and growling at poor Jayber who’s cowering in the corner/under furniture (I’m probably a bad pet owner for taking a photo before I stepped in to rescue him). Piles of dog hair all about. Furniture stacked up waiting to be refinished or reupholstered for the new house. In short: a mess. Nonetheless, I’m grateful.
I’ve been feeling discouraged easily so I’m determined to make the most of the day, ordinary as it is. It’ll be filled with lots of work around the house and exercising (I’m trying to get in as much of both as I can before surgery), but also spending much needed time with friends we haven’t seen in ages. I don’t think I could ask for more on this beautiful Thursday.
I’m trying to simplify and figure out a skin care routine that really works for me. Not to stop normal and healthy aging, just to take care of my skin. The soap is a recent purchase after my old bar ran out. I might love it even more. The toner was a splurge a while back and I can’t say I regret it. Both make my skin feel soft and fresh without being overly drying, which is a plus in fall and winter when my skin is already so dry. They’ll be perfect to put in my bag for my post-surgery hospital stay next week–when I know I’ll want those simple things that make me feel better, like a clean face. The perfume I’ve wanted for a long time and won from a giveaway at Honey Kennedy. It has an earthy quality that I really enjoy (David too). I haven’t owned perfume in ten years, at least, usually preferring my natural scent, but I like the idea of having a subtle fragrance to wear on occasion. I doubt I’ll always be able to keep these things around, but they’re nice to have right now.
One of my oldest friends came to town for Thanksgiving and dropped off some collages I had in a group art show in Savannah several years ago (yes, it’s been years since we’ve seen each other and that’s a real shame). He asked what I’d been making lately and there was disappointment in his voice after I said I’d made almost nothing. A similar scenario played out a few days earlier with another friend/artist in town. They both implied I should be doing more, that it was worth it. I don’t want to require praise to stay motivated, but it helps to feel connected to other artists, part of a community that supports and encourages its members. Being appreciated by the community at large is wonderful, but the respect of other artists, knowing people you admire enjoy your work and want you to succeed, that’s truly special. Their affirmation was uplifting–a push towards growth. It’s hard to naturally push myself in that direction because I struggle to see myself as an artist, whatever that means. Confidence isn’t something others can give me, but when I hear people say such nice things about what I do I wonder why I don’t have more of it.
images: The Future Perfect
// Kim Thome Lump Candleholders. I never thought I’d be dying for brass candleholders or black candles, but there’s a first time for everything.
// Michele Quan eye sculpture is somehow elegant and creepy at the same time (also the eye ornament which I really want for the tree this year but sadly is over twice my budget).